LIVE Blog Coverage of the 2013 AFHL Awards Show

September 30th, 2013

The 4th Annual AFHL Awards Show has arrived and TheAFHL.com’s Harry Beaver is live-blogging the event.

Hockey analysts such as Barry Melrose and Kathryn Tappen will be reporting from the press room and red carpet, with many more reporters filing from around the world.

Follow along and tell us what you think in the comments throughout the show.

The Pre-Show (Red Carpet Arrivals) is scheduled to begin shortly. The actual Awards Show is scheduled to begin at 8:00pm EST, and unfortunately, the Post-Show (Live Chat After-Party) has been cancelled this year due to website construction.

Pre-Show: Red Carpet Arrivals

7:00pm – Broadcasting is now underway as the camera zooms in on the red carpet.

7:02pm – A range rover pulls up to the red carpet. Fans rush to the range rover to see who is inside.

7:03pm – San Diego Gulls GM Lucas Main steps out of the range rover and he’s wearing a tuxedo shirt that shows he’s formal but still likes to have a good time. His guest for the evening is Buffalo Phantoms GM Daryn Beckman’s sister.

7:05pm – A lot of people are on the carpet but no star players yet. Just security and the heaps of media.

7:10pm – Montreal Xtreme GM Keith Cancilla has just arrived on a public/transit bus probably because his payroll has increased dramatically this year from all the trades he made over the summer. He’s wearing an Xtreme jersey that reads “Fuck Kovy” on the back. He’s also holding a replica AFHL Stanley Cup trophy over his head.

7:12pm – A reporter asks Cancilla about the replica trophy and Cancilla says the trophy is his guest and it will be sitting in the seat next to him during the show.

7:05pm – Red Devils defenseman Erik Karlsson is the first player to arrive. Other star players such as Jonathan Quick and Evgeni Malkin appear shortly after.

7:15pm – Washington Wolfpack GM Rick Charron has just pulled up in an old style gangster car and he’s wearing the gangster suit and hat to match. He has two beautiful women with him who are wearing nothing but the Wolfpack jerseys that barely cover their asses. The camera zooms in on the women to reveal their identities: Kate Upton and Alyssa Milano.

7:17pm – Charron shakes hands with Montreal GM Cancilla and San Diego GM Main.

7:20pm – Comox Valley X-Men GM Pat McKenna has arrived in a 1972 Pinto. Like Montreal GM Cancilla, he currently has a budget issue. Cancilla walks up to McKenna, gives him a big hug and tells him it’s going to be alright. A reporter interviews the three GMs. Charron compliments McKenna’s tuxedo and Charlie Chaplin bowler hat. McKenna says he borrowed the wardrobe from a friend but he’s thrilled to be here.

7:23pm – Players continue to appear on the red carpet including Deer Park goaltender Henrik Lundqvist and Lakehead forward Martin St. Louis.

7:25pm – Ottawa Knights GM Ryan Armstrong just stepped out of a black limousine. He’s wearing a nice tuxedo and blows a kiss to the camera.

7:26pm – Hamilton Firestorm GM Gates Imbeau has just arrived after a flight back from Jamaica. He’s wearing a funny shirt that says “Tony for Prez!” and his guests are the beautiful Rashida Jones and Yvonne Strahovski. San Diego GM Lucas greets Gates with a handshake. Gates tells him he’s back from Jamaica only for the awards show. He has a midnight flight to go back to Jamaica after the show.

7:29pm – A chromed out hearse just pulled up to the red carpet. Fort Drum GM Steve Stryska steps out with Danny McBride wearing Killers jerseys. McBride tells a reporter he’s been a huge Killers fan and like many Killers fans he will continue to be patient during the organization’s rebuilding process.

7:30pm – Toronto GM Carbone and Hamilton GM Imbeau are trade talking.

7:30pm – Twin City Vikings GM Phil Svoboda has just arrived on a Twin City Vikings float. He’s accompanied by an entourage of Vikings cheerleaders called the Fallegur Stelpas. They’re wearing the traditional mint green sequin outfits and Viking helmets. Svoboda is wearing a sequin tuxedo in Viking green. He’s also accompanied by his wife and his first overall pick in the 2013 Entry Draft, Nathan MacKinnon.

7:33pm – Toronto Red Devils GM Jordan Carbone has just pulled up on a pimped out tricycle with a sidecar driven by Chewbacca and it’s shooting missiles onto the red carpet that explode into thunderous bass pounding beats. Carbone’s wearing a Team Canada jersey that is half Subban and half Stamkos. Accompanying Carbone is the notorious Tori Black and Ferrah Abraham who is there just to be a complete bitch to everyone in attendance.

7:34pm – In an interview with hockey analyst Barry Melrose, Taylor Hall says the Red Devils are ready to win it all this year.

7:34pm – Carbone tells a reporter his jersey is the only one of it’s kind. It was sewn together with a material that was made with Victoria GM Chris Hartley’s tears that were somehow collected at the time of his playoff defeat.

7:36pm – Comox GM McKenna is now being interviewed by Barry Melrose. He tells Barry that he’s excited about the new season. He says his biggest acquisition this summer was Roberto Luongo but there are still some adjustments in the lineup to make. Lots of guys are battling for rosters spots and don’t be surprised to see this squad make a late run for the playoffs.

7:37pm – The AFHL Commissioner / Manhattan GM Tony Furino is seen stumbling onto the red carpet. Ottawa GM Armstrong is heard saying Furino reeks of booze. A reporter asks Furino how many drinks he had before the show. Furino says, “I drank about 30 beers. [Slurs words] I don’t know where I am right now.”

7:38pm – Deer Park GM Mike Nellany forgot about the Awards Show until this morning and the rumor going around on the red carpet is that he had to hop on a Lier Jet to arrive before the start of the ceremony.

7:38pm – Tony Furino just barfed on the red carpet.

7:39pm – London Mustangs GM Matt Plachta has just arrived in a clown costume. He’s wearing tight-fitting, skinny polka dot pants and a ruby encrusted nose piece with a whiskey spitting flower pin. His date tonight is Harley Quinn.

7:40pm – Plachta tells a reporter he lost a bet when the Mustangs failed to qualify for the 2013 playoffs.

7:41pm – Philadelphia Crunch GM Paul Kiely is seen riding down the red carpet on his 1974 moped. He gives high fives to several GMs before parking his moped and greeting some Crunch fans hanging on a railing.

7:43pm – Kiely is the third GM tonight who is not afraid to talk about his money problems. He tells a reporter with the Crunch struggling at the gate and him not willing to reduce salary, he’s had to cut back in other areas. As with the moped and due to his focus on funds, building the team to a champion, he has focused his dollars in areas outside of his own wants and needs. He’s wearing a timeless outfit and he chose not bring his wife to the show because there is no open bar. He adds that she needs to stay very hammered to not realize how poorly she married.

7:44pm – North Bay Warriors GM Mike Brunetta has just arrived on the back of an elephant. He’s wearing a snazzy suit. The suit jacket is in the style of the North Bay Warriors road white jersey. Sitting behind him on the back of the elephant is actress/model Amber Heard.

7:45pm – A limousine pulled up to the red carpet about ten minutes ago and whoever is inside has not yet gotten out of the limousine. Some antsy fans just jumped a barricade, ran up to the limo and opened the door. Camera zooms in and Deer Park GM Mike Nellany is seen getting a lap dance from Jordan Carbone’s ex-girlfriend. Nellany eventually gets out and begins greeting the other GMs on the red carpet.

7:46pm – Washington GM Charron is currently being interviewed by hockey analyst Darren Pang. He talks about the high expectations for the Wolfpack this year and at the end of the interview he shouts, “Where is my mother fuckin 40 creek at?”

7:47pm – Lakehead Ice Holes GM Jason Briggs has just pulled up fashionably late in a yellow 2014 Porsche Cayman.

7:47pm – Accompanying Briggs is the former TSN Sportscentre duo of Jay Onrait and Dan O’Toole. Although now hosting the new Fox Sports Live, Jay and Dan have strong ties to Canada and are regular guests at Ice Holes games.

7:48pm – Media is now going crazy trying to take pictures of the Lakehead Ice Hole players who have just arrived with the AFHL Stanley Cup.

7:48pm – Briggs tells a reporter that he’s been living large since winning the 2013 AFHL Stanley Cup last Spring. Earlier today, he had a previous engagement at the playboy mansion with several playboy playmates.

7:49pm – Victoria Vipers GM Chris Hartley has just crashed the red carpet with seven of his best friends. Hartley’s wearing black dress pants, a red shirt, a black velvet vest, a red bowtie, with a sombrero on his head.

7:50pm – Barry Melrose grabs Hartley for a quick interview. Hartley says the Vipers may not win any awards tonight but look out for the Vipers next year.

7:51pm – One of Hartley’s friends just pants’ed the Commish to reveal that the Commish freestyles in front of a group of women who respond with gasps of horror. Commish says the ladies get scared because the angle of his dangle is inversely proportional to the heat of his meat..

7:55pm – Red carpet is starting to come to a close. Most of the big stars, GMs, and nominees have arrived and are being asked to take their seats.

 

The Main Event: 2013 AFHL Awards Show

8:00pm – The awards show starts with a funny opening skit with tonight’s host: David Letterman.

8:05pm – Letterman introduces the future hall-of-fame defenseman Nicklas Lidstrom to present the first award of the night.

 

Norris Trophy

Awarded to the top defenseman who demonstrates throughout the season the greatest all-around ability in the position (consider offensive stats, plus/minus, and contribution to team success).

 

The nominees are…

P.K. Subban, Toronto Red Devils

Kris Letang, Lakehead Ice Holes

Shea Weber, Hamilton Firestorm

Duncan Keith, Oshawa City Leafs

 

And the winner is…

 

P.K. Subban, Toronto Red Devils

 

8:15pm – Letterman introduces a surprise guest to present the next award. Comedian Lewis Black appears on stage.

Trash Talker Trophy

Awarded to the best trash talking GM

 

The nominees are…

Toronto GM Jordan Carbone

Lakehead GM Jason Briggs

Deer Park GM Mike Nellany

 

And the winner is…

 

Toronto GM Jordan Carbone

 

8:30pm – Hall-of-Famer Pavel Bure is introduced to present the next award.

 

Calder Trophy

Awarded to the best rookie

 

The nominees are…

Nail Yakupov, F, Montreal Xtreme

Brendan Gallagher, F, Philadelphia Crunch

Brandon Saad, F, Boston Giants

Alex Galchenyuk, F, Manhattan Supermen

 

And the winner is…

 

Brendan Gallagher, F, Philadelphia Crunch

 

8:45pm – Hall-of-Fame goaltender Ed Belfour is introduced to present the Vezina Trophy.

 

Vezina Trophy

Awarded to the best goaltender

 

The nominees are…

Jimmy Howard, North Bay Warriors 2

Antti Niemi, Lakehead Ice Holes 1

Sergei Bobrovsky, Washington Wolfpack 5

Tuukka Rask, Washington Wolfpack 9

 

And the winner is…

 

Tuukka Rask, Washington Wolfpack

 

8:45pm – Comedian Lewis Black appears on stage once again to present the Laugh Out Loud trophy.

 

Laugh Out Loud Trophy

Awarded to the GM judged to be the best at making fun of anyone and/or anything. The funny GM says things that are completely unexpected and different from the norm to surprise people. Basic categories of humor include absurdity, exaggeration, mockery/ridicule, verbal humor. A funny GM is at his best when he forgets himself. He says the first thing that comes into his head and doesn’t even try to be funny. He throws himself into an unknown future and doesn’t even think about limits or boundaries. He’s relaxed and loose and bold. He’ll just go for it. He’ll go off on some crazy tangent. A funny GM lives in the moment and sometimes he just doesn’t give a fuck.

 

The nominees are…

 

Buffalo GM Daryn Beckman

Lakehead GM Jason Briggs

Toronto GM Jordan Carbone

Deer Park GM Mike Nellany

 

And the winner is…

 

Deer Park GM Mike Nellany

 

9:00pm – Hall-of-Famer Joe Sakic appears on stage to present the Hart Trophy.

 

Hart Trophy (MVP)

Awarded to the player judged most valuable to his team in the regular season.

 

The nominees are…

 

Steven Stamkos, F, Toronto Red Devils

Alex Ovechkin, F, Victoria Vipers

John Tavares, F, Oshawa City Leafs

Jimmy Howard, G, North Bay Warriors

Antti Niemi, G, Lakehead Ice Holes

 

And the winner is…

 

John Tavares, F, Oshawa City Leafs

 

9:15pm – AFHL Commissioner Tony Furino appears on stage and gives a speech about the rock solid foundation of the AFHL and how the league as a whole will continue to get better and better. He then introduces Pittsburgh GM  Jason Henley, the newest GM in the AFHL, to present the last award of the night.

 

Jack Adams Award

Awarded to the “Best” Coach / GM of the Year.

Important skills to be considered: winning, trading, brewing rivalries, posting on message boards, being active on a regular basis, and having fun.

 

The nominees are…

 

Lakehead GM Jason Briggs

Toronto GM Jordan Carbone

Victoria GM Chris Hartley

North Bay GM Mike Brunetta

Hamilton GM Gates Imbeau

Twin City GM Phil Svoboda

 

And the winner is…

 

Lakehead GM Jason Briggs

 

Briggs receives a standing ovation as he walks up to the stage. Furino and Henley exchange handshakes with Briggs at the podium. Briggs gives a short speech basically saying it was an incredible year that he will never forget and he thanks a list of people including his friends and family. He ends by saying, “Swag is very prominent in the Ice Holes front office. Our franchise is poised to defend the title this season and for several seasons beyond. This dynasty has only just begun.”

 

Briggs gets another standing ovation as he walks off the stage.

 

9:28pm – AFHL Commissioner Tony Furino ends the show with a final speech:

 

“That’s our show tonight. I do wanna thank all GMs for doing a fantastic job last season and throughout the summer. Congratulations to all the winners tonight. Big thanks to all the fans of the AFHL, wherever you are in the world, whichever side of the clouds you’re on and watching, hope you enjoyed this year’s celebration of the most amazing fantasy hockey league on the planet. Looking forward to an amazing 2013-14 season. Thanks and goodnight.”

 

9:30pm – Audience applauds as music plays and screen fades to black.

 

OTHER NOTABLE TROPHIES:

 

Maurice Richard Trophy

Top goal scorer in regular season

Winner: Alex Ovechkin, Victoria Vipers

 

Presidents Trophy

Team with the best record in regular season

Winner: Lakehead Ice Holes

 

Art Ross Trophy

Player who leads the league in scoring points at the end of the regular season

Winner: Martin St. Louis, Lakehead Ice Holes

 

Conn Smythe Trophy

Playoffs MVP

Winner: Evgeni Nabokov, Manhattan Supermen

 

Stanley Cup

League Championship / Winner of the Stanley Cup Playoffs

Winner: Lakehead Ice Holes

 

TONIGHT’S TROPHY TOTALS PER TEAM:

Lakehead – 4

Toronto – 2

Manhattan – 1

Victoria – 1

Oshawa City – 1

Washington – 1

Philadelphia – 1

Deer Park – 1

 

ALL-TIME TROPHY TOTALS PER TEAM:

Pittsburgh Heroes – 8

Buffalo Phantoms – 7

Deer Park Chiefs – 7

Lakehead Ice Holes – 6

North Bay Warriors – 6

Hamilton Firestorm – 5

Washington Wolfpack – 5

Toronto Red Devils – 5

San Diego Gulls – 3

London Mustangs – 2

Boston Giants – 2

Victoria Vipers – 2

Manhattan Supermen – 2

Philadelphia Crunch – 2

Montreal Xtreme -1

Oshawa City Leafs – 1

 

*Commish will add Trophies/Awards to team pages as soon as possible.